Like it or not, when the British handed Hong Kong back to China in 1997, the die was cast.
Sure, “one country, two systems” sounded good at the time.
But with Beijing repeatedly reinterpreting the Basic Law to the point where it now declares “complete jurisdiction” over Hong Kong, the emphasis is clearly on “one country”.
Having your own money, passport and legal playbook can take you only so far.
And with more and more five-star red flags flying every day, you’d be silly to think autonomy is coming any time soon.
The city once known as the Pearl of the Orient is just part of a real estate transaction that stinks.
There’s no turning back.
If this were a Stephen Chow movie, it would be called The Hong Kong Hustle.
Brother Leung, the leader of the deadly 689 Gang, exercises control of the city, openly ignoring anyone who gets in his way.
Joshua Wong, a bespectacled dyslexic, leads a group of young troublemakers to Central Alley impersonating activists to gain respect.
His plan fails, and Wong’s antics attract the 689 Gang and Imperial Assassins.
In the massive brawl that ensues, residents of the city exhibit extraordinary powers in defending their turf, keeping Brother Leung and his henchmen at bay using the Umbrella style of kung fu.
Worn down, however, they suffer too many casualties.
After the fight, Wong and his buddies are apprehended by Brother Leung for publicly humiliating the 689 Gang.
Wong, by now acknowledged champion of the cause, is set free but is banished from going anywhere in the city worth going.
He decides to bypass Brother Leung and make a direct appeal to the Monkey King of the North for his city’s independence, but is foiled by the paramount leader’s supernatural powers.
Wong subsequently goes on a hunger strike for no apparent reason.
Meanwhile, Hong Kong is invaded by an army of pregnant women from the mainland. They cannot be stopped.
As if that weren’t enough, Brother Leung’s master then unleashes a diabolical weapon of mass destruction: locusts — millions of them — descend upon Hong Kong, wreaking havoc wherever they go.
With protection provided by the 689 Gang, hapless Hongkongers can do little more than hurl obscenities, wave colonial-era flags and yell at them to go home.
A cantankerous bag lady wails incoherently in Cantonese.
Will venerable kung fu masters and professional demon hunters swoop in to save the day in a battle of epic proportions?
I have no idea how this movie ends.
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