Things are looking up

March 15, 2021 08:57
Photo: Reuter

Apparently full details of the new law governing elections to the legislative council cannot be given yet but we can all relax because we have been reassured that the re-arrangement will enlarge the scope for participation and discussion.

Just by looking at the numbers, it has to be a move towards greater democracy because there will be more legislators, if we cannot see that we must be innumerate.

The relatively large number of new legislators will be hand-picked by an enlarged election committee, yet another sign of increased democratic outreach.

This must be very welcome news for everyone who truly loves Hong Kong.

Though it has not yet been revealed publicly, there are some very informed leaks about the identity of the new constituent groups that will be represented in the re-constituted Legco.

Patriots of all persuasions are rushing to establish novel constituencies in the hope that they will be the beneficiaries of the central government’s largesse in the distribution of new seats.

Top of the list is the Tai-Po Kai Fong Condom Recycling Society, justifiably recognized for its contribution to the economy.

A well-earned place will go to the Dried Animal Organs Aphrodisiac Retailers Association, for its members’ suppression of exaggerated claims by Greenpeace.

Another group that has been fighting for a direct voice in Hong Kong’s affairs is the Yuen Long Laundrymen’s Association. They will be lobbying hard for free MTR passes.

Perhaps the most cerebrally oriented new organisation to find its own distinctive voice in the chamber will be the Fully Unadulterated Commentary Kartographers group who want to see the Basic Law amended to provide life imprisonment without trial for defamatory remarks about politicians. It is rumoured that this will be headed by a solicitor.

An imaginative initiative will provide representation for children with one or more seats for the Pooh Bear Appreciation Society.

To provide much needed discipline, the Retired Senior Police Officers (Superintendants and above) will be rewarded with the position of Sergeant-at-arms, equipped with a taser to ensure that proceedings will be conducted in a seemly manner.

In a move that will please feminists world-wide, one or possibly two seats will be up for grabs by the Patriotic Marxist Matrons Chapter, there are already a number of regal ladies of a certain age who have their eyes on this prize.

Another pleasing introduction is for a broad seat for the Hong Kong Leading Ladies’ Illiberal Appreciation Society, a just reward for these proponents of circumscribed civic studies.

The dear leader is ecstatic at the provision for the Make the Greater Bay Area Great Again campaign.

Athletes will celebrate to learn that the Shing Mun River Coy preservation and Wild Swimmers Association is finally to receive recognition.

Only a visionary could have dreamt up giving a seat to the Patriotic Rehabilitated ex-Triad Functionary Constituency. What legislative body would be complete without representatives from the dark side?

The New Territories Egg Farmers For Flatulence Co-operative is vying with the Mong Kok Halitosis Progenitors for one of the organic constituency places.

This is probably why there will be more space for participation in the rejuvenated Legco.

So, begone dull care! An enlarged Legco’s proceedings will undoubtedly generate a more rarified air which, rather like London smog, will be canned or bottled and sold by the Tourism Authority.

Each container will carry an EPD warning of the combustible percentage of toxic fume, a prohibition against sale to children and be sold with a box of matches bearing a holograph of the dear leader’s tears.

Proceedings will be enlivened, not by the mediaeval practice of hurling bananas but by patriotic representatives of the people blowing themselves up like toads as they compete to outdo each other in expressions of loyalty.

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Queen's Counsel