Life is not a race

Brian YS Wong August 16, 2024 01:20

We’ve all heard that cliched assertion – “Life is not a race.”

After all, it makes sense. Whereas the benchmark for success in a race is to reach the destination as quickly as possible (“Make haste!” is the typical phrase to use and invoke here), it is evident that to succeed in life is not akin to reaching its logical end as swiftly as possible. Death is not something to be sought after – at least, for a vast majority of happy, fulfilling lives. Indeed, even for those who are struggling with aspects and elements of life, the irreversibility of death – with the unquestionable cessation of any and all pleasurable experiences that comes alongside it – renders it a deeply unappealing ‘prize’. We don’t live life to die – we lead lives to thrive.

This centuries-old mantra has become a definitive catchphrase for Wellbeing Gurus and Self-Help Geniuses – especially those who relish in their multi-million-dollar mansion whilst seeking to commercialise and capitalise upon their ‘life advice’ in prescribing all sorts of spiritual remedies. Spiritual in the gratification they bring – in the form of financial revenue and influence – to their progenitors. Remedies insofar as they contribute towards a remedy ecosystem – one built upon marketing, producing merchandises, and encouraging the adoption of ‘Mindfulness’ and ‘Wellbeing’ consumption practices.

To some extent, there is of course utility in believing that life isn’t a race. With the phrase, we nudge ourselves to remember that it is the journey that counts – as opposed to its finishing; that it is our ability to subjectively perceive, make meaning out of, and foster resilient relationships that truly define our lives and their success – as opposed to the speed with which we ‘get things’ done. Above all, in the era where achievements are both fetishised and rendered into packageable, easily advertisable soundbites, there is much value in thinking more deeply and profoundly about what life is and isn’t about.

But I must nevertheless break the tragic news to us all. And that is – we have a tendency to stuff life with races. The race to be the top in one’s class. The race to graduate from university and college as young as possible. The race to making partner at a law firm, or a Managing Partner/Director post at a bank. In our peer groups we’d ponder – and then discuss with heated interest: who’s the first to get married? Who’s the first to start a family? And then who’s the first to retire, to live life in purported peace?

These goals, these descriptions map onto what we instinctively view to be benchmarks for different phases of our lives. The sooner we reach them, the better it is – in our estimation. Yet there is little explicit reasoning provided for why this is necessarily the case. Does graduating from college at the age of 20 render one ‘smarter’? Does having a family when one is younger – at, say, 30 – constitute a wise decision, across the board? Is it even meaningful for us to speak in universal and generalising terms, when such terms are bestowed upon us by norms that we subconsciously internalise, without ever questioning or even registering the fact that they are the products of social engineering and media manipulation?

Stuffing our lives with races give us a sense of certainty – faux certainty. It feels ‘right’, because we can label ourselves as making progress from one point to another. Yet it is fundamentally meretricious – why must we follow the “A – B – C” pathway, when any other path, “C – A – B” or “A – C” without the “B” could make us much happier and more fulfilled as a result? Why must we buy into the linearity and uni-directionality of life, and lead our lives with the presupposition that we must move on as quickly as possible, upon accomplishing a ‘phase-based’ objective?

The answer rests with our innate craving and yearning for seemingly objective and external benchmarks. The more uncertain and skeptical we are of our own abilities, the more we seek validation from outside sources. Such validation must be frequent enough such that it is effective, yet not so ubiquitous that it becomes both a nuisance and cheapened Giffen good. As such, ‘spacing out’ the milestones, highlighting goalposts that must ostensibly be reached, and lining up seemingly objective indicators of success at each stage in life, thus become the most economical coping routine we introduce to narrate and frame our lives.

To achieve true emancipation, we must do away with this. Yet this is often easier said than done. The reason why the ‘journey model’ appeals less to us than the ‘getting to the finishing life model’, has to do with our craving for dopamine rushes, and the fact that these rushes are more likely to come in sudden pangs than in continuous dosages. We prefer watching a thrilling movie to being exposed to 15 hours of someone reading out the script; many prefer sprinting to marathons – for the simple fact that the sugar rush is stronger, more potent, and seemingly allows us to reach a higher climax.

Only by doing away with this fixation upon the absolute, and by recognising the merit of the striving, the yearning, and the failing, could we come to see that life is beautiful not where it ends, nor where it begins… but where it continuously struggles against the tide that carries us forward – very much like the boats beating on in the Great Gatsby.

Brian YS Wong

Assistant Professor, HKU